


Joint Content

by Fictropes



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Attempt at humour, Drug Use, Established Relationship, M/M, Marijuana
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:08:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26917864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fictropes/pseuds/Fictropes
Summary: It started of a as a joke— a Joint Content joke.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 13
Kudos: 67
Collections: Im-PROMPT-u Phandom Creator Challenge 2020





	Joint Content

**Author's Note:**

> im-prompt-u challenge day 7 ( a late... posting) word: magic

It started of a as a joke— a Joint Content joke.

  
  
A literal _joint_ content video. 

It eventually ends up with Dan trying to roll this fiddly piece of paper between his too big hands, Phil taking pity on him after five minutes of failure— making Dan question everything he knew about the man. “How the fuck did you just do that so.. easily? do something else in those woods growing up? A weed tree along with the porn tree?”

  
  
“No. Just got nimble hands, you know. From my years of fingering you.” AndPhil’s all innocent and light on camera, turn if off and he branches down one of two paths— _1\. I am going to show Dan how much I love him, 2. I am going to bully him._

“Fuck off, like i’ve never had my fingers up your arse.” Dan sounds indignant— mainly because he’d literally done just that this morning.

Phil just snorts, brings the joint up to his lips so he can use his tongue to stick the paper together. It’s a bit distracting, bit of a turn on, bit of a _wow Phil can literally do anything and i’ll get off to it in my fantasy wank land later on._ “No need to get so defensive, Danny. I’m just saying that i’ve done it so often I barely get cramp anymore.” 

“You literally whined about cramp last week, we’d only be going at it for like five minutes. Want one of those things?Those hand squeezey things, train up those fingers. Get us in the Guinness world book of records for longest fingering session ever?” They’re not even high yet, he dreads to think what sort of things are going to leave their mouths when they have less control over them. 

  
  
“I feel like that benefits you more than it does me, what sort of training do you have to go through?” Phil asks, patting around for the lighter he’d yeeted off into space when they’d sat down. 

“I don’t know—how to not come from prostate stimulation. Do you think your fingers would get all pruney?” Phil lets out a little cheer of triumph when he finds it, lights it and stares like he’s never seen fire before. “Gonna burn your eyebrows off if you’re not careful.” 

“Do you remember the second time you came to visit and I basically just blew on your dick and it was enough? That was the biggest ego stroke of all time.” He smiles, blowing the fire out. “Would you still love me without my eyebrows?”

  
  
“No, they’re the only reason i’m here.” 

“Thought so, always knew deep down in my heart that this bushy bad boys were the only reason for your love.” Phil sighs, all sad and heavy— like he actually believes a word Dan is saying. 

“They’re not even bushy! You pluck them, like a little goblin crouched down in front of the mirror.” He’s seen him, tweezing away—acting like he can’t feel pain. 

“You’ve seen nothing off the sort.” Phil deems this entire thing enough— time for the main event. “Ready?”  
  


-

They end up sat on the floor, backs pressed up against the sofa. They ended up with enough for two joints, passed them back and forth and tried out fancy tricks that just ended up with Dan coughing as Phil blew too much smoke into his mouth. 

“ _Oh_.” Phil gasps as Dan brushes his fingers against his thigh, “do that again. Felt like a thousand little angels licking me.”

  
  
“Angels don’t lick people, Phil. I do, though.” Dan leans in, a big sloppy trail being licked across Phil’s cheek. 

“You— you’re my angel.” Phil gasps, realising it was Dan doing the touching all along. 

“I can be your angle, or your devil.” Dan gets an idea then— an awful. terrible no good idea. He ditches Phil to wriggle around on the floor like an off his tits worm, doesn’t stop until his body is in the shape of the letter L. “Am I your _Mr_ right angle?” 

“No! You’re my— you’re..” Phil tips his head back against the sofa cushions, taking some time to really think about what sort of angle Dan is to him. “You’re my acute angle!”

“Oh.” Dan murmurs, all pink— like this is the first time Phil has ever complimented him. “I can-“ He wriggles around some more to distract himself from the embarrassment of a compliment. Phil watches on absolutely fascinated, even giving a round of applause when Dan wrangles himself into something that resembles less than 90°. 

“You’re such a cute, c’mere.” Phil spreads his legs, Dan stops being an angle and starts being a man again— crawling in between Phil’s legs so he can get his reward.

“I’m here.” Dan smiles— at least he thinks he’s smiling, it also feels like all his teeth are trying to make a run for it. 

“Yes!” Phil screams, despite the fact they’re basically plastered together. “Opps, did I just break the sound barrier?”  


“Phiiiiil, that’s still not—stop saying it wrong.” Dan whines, remembering even now that Phil’s brain is a bit freaky. 

“Never.” Phil grins— dastardly, a sure sign that he’s doing it _purely_ to annoy Dan now. “Did you know you have eyes?”

  
  
“No, since when?” 

  
  
“Oh.. I think I only said half a sentence.” Phil frowns, brings his hands up to hold Dan’s cheeks. “Did you know you have eyes that go kinda gold when the light hits. All pretty, you’re too pretty. Don’t look at me.”  


Dan goes on a face journey— overwhelmed, fond, smug, happy, confused. “Don’t?”

  
  
“Yeah, you’re making me feel feelings. Close your eyes.” He jabs Dan straight in his left one, apologises with a thousand little kisses over his face. “Sorry, I stabbed you. You’re laughing and I stabbed you.” 

  
  
Dan is laughing— because everything is just so silly. “You just tried to surgically remove my eyeballs!” He giggles, collapsing against Phil’s front. He smells of.. nice. God, he smells nice and fit and Dan wants to bite him. 

“You trying to vampire me?”

“Yeah, trying to vampire you.” Dan confirms, biting down on the edge of too hard. “Wanna leave a big vampire mark so all the other vampires know you’re mine and not— they’re not allowed you.” 

“Ok.” Phil hums, fingers raking through Dan’s hair in encouragement. “Do you think purple should be my colour?”

  
  
“No.” Dan smacks his head against Phil’s chin with how quickly he tries to sit up. “No, no, no. Look like— like barney the dinosaur, like a vase of Ribena.”

  
  
Phil’s giggling now, dragging Dan onto the floor until they’re laying down facing each other. There’s a perfectly good sofa right there— but somehow they’ve both agreed that doesn’t fit the vibe. “What then?”

  
  
“Red, you look pretty in red. Or black— or my clothes. Just wear all my clothes like— give off the illusion that i’m a dog who’s pissing up a tree to say this tree is mine. But you’re the tree.” Dan explains, hitching a leg up over Phil in demonstration. 

“You just wanna piss on me.” Phil pouts, pawing at Dan’s shoulder in order to push him away— except when Dan goes to leave Phil whines and pulls him back in. 

“Ya.”

  
  
“Oh, ok. Do you feel like you’re floating? Like the floor is a cloud but I know it’s just wood. It’s all .. magic.” Phil slips a hand beneath his shirt and oh, it _does_ feel like angels. 

“It might be magic.” Dan agrees. “Usually when I lay on the floor it isn’t this comfy.” 

“Do you think this is what the magic carpet feels like in the erm— movie. With the blue dude?”

  
  
“Avatar?”

  
  
“No!” Phil squeals, laughing right down Dan’s ear and it’s just— he loves it, the sound of Phil’s happiness. “Where is the flying carpet in avatar?”

  
  
“I don’t know! I just heard blue dude.”  


“It’s..” Phil thinks, “Aladdin! Obviously.” 

“That’s not t _hat_ obvious.” Apart from it is, but Dan will never admit to that. “I’m hungry.”

  
  
“Big same.” Their bellies rumble at the exact same time, an in sync noise of agreement. 

“If I order pizza you have to get the door.” Dan battles the hold of the ground so he can get his phone from the coffee table, the bright light of the screen making him hiss.

“Catboy!” Phil exclaims, all happy and all— definitely a furry. “Where are your ears? You have perfect curls to put ears in. I would like to see it.” 

  
  
“You can’t see it, don’t have them. I’m sorry i’m not him.”  


“Him who?”

  
  
“Erm— catboy Dan.” 

“Oh. That’s ok, I like human Dan very much.” He snuggles into Dan’s side the moment he’s back down on the ground, salivating at the screen even though the dominos website isn't open— literally just a display of apps that apparently look like food to Phil.

Dan preens a bit at that— adds extra cookies to the basket just because Phil’s so nice to him. He loves him so much he might cry. “You have to get it.”

  
  
“No!”

  
  
“Yes! That was the agreement when I said i’d order the pizza.” Because he’d definitely said that, wasn’t his fault Phil got distracted by furry fantasies. 

  
  
“No. I wasn’t listening, so, can’t be held against me. The judge says we have to play rock, paper, scissors.”

-

  
  
So they do— and Phil’s the one to traipse downstairs, who gives the pizza man the fright of his life when he opens the door up with a too loud greeting, red eyes and a neck littered with Dan’s possessiveness. 

**Author's Note:**

> [if you'd like to reblog on tumblr! I always appreciate it :)](https://fictropes.tumblr.com/post/631529979912552448/joint-contentcomplete-1607it-started-of-a-as-a)
> 
> hehehheheheh hope u all enjoyed!!!!
> 
> sorry i'm behind in answering comments (been working lots of hours!) but I am reading them alllll and each one brings me 10000 joy so please continue letting me know your thoughts<333


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